THE NUNS ARE ALRIGHT

By Tobias Christopher

South Africa

A green object crashed into a local field where the children from a local school started gathering around. As they stared into the hole, a large porcine creature will bulldog-like features began to rise from the hole as they started murmuring in their native tongue. The green ring on his finger activated as a universal translator as it started translating the words they were saying.

“Is it a monster?”  a boy asked.

“Is he going to eat us?” another boy added.

“No, he wears the symbol of The Green Lantern,” a girl said as he saw his insignia. “He is a hero. He won’t hurt us.”

“I haven’t come to harm people, I am here to protect humans, young one,” Kilowog told her. “Tell me about this other Green Lantern.”

Wendy White stood in front of her bosses in the old furniture warehouse as she updated them on her mission.

“We’ve waited patiently, Ms. White. we want results,” the man in the shadows said.

“I’m working on it, but Rayner never takes the ring off,” Wendy told them. “I think he can turn invisible when he sleeps.”

“Enough excuses,” the voice told her. “If we don’t have that in 24 hours, will hire other prospects to get it for us. And I assure you, they won’t have your gentle touch.”

Kyle Rayner woke up to the sun shining through his window. After stretching and yawning, Kyle headed to the bathroom while pulling off his t-shirt. He came back around the corner, he picked up his cell phone, turning it on before setting in its holder.

“Morning, Mitchell,” Kyle said with a yawn.

“Morning, boss,” the voice of a 12-year-old-child said over the phone. “Sleep well?”

Recently, a mad scientist seeking revenge against the people who had wronged his dead son created an android child with the intent of using him for his scheme, he sent the child against Green Lantern. The plan was foiled but an EMP killed the robot boy, but Terry Berg had managed to download his personality into Kyle’s phone, where he now served as Kyle’s assistant to help keep on schedule.*

(Green Lantern #9-#11)

“Pretty good,” Kyle as he brushed his teeth while tossing the rest of his clothes out onto the bedroom floor. “So, what’s on the schedule for today, kid?”

“Well, after your morning coffee and pop-tart, you’re dropping your drawings off at Feast,” Mitchell told him. “After that, you’re due at your mother’s to mow her lawn, then at noon you’re meeting Alexandra for a lunch date. Then after that, you’re buying Mitchell a digital pet.”

“Nice try, kid,” Kyle said with the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. “You know I’ll just end up caring for it in the end.”

“You can’t blame a sentient robot child for trying,” Mitchell told him. As Kyle started up the shower to get in, Kyle got hit with an unexpected question. “Kyle, do I have a mom?”

Kyle’s slowly peeked his head out of the door.

Marvin lay in the hospital bed, his right leg being set in a walkable cast for his release later that day. In his hand was a paper that was letting him know he was being let go from the police force.

“I— I don’t get it,” Marvin said with his voice shaking. “I risked my life to stop those corrupt officers. I got shot bringing them down. Why am I being fired? Being a police officer is all I have now that Terry hates me,” Marvin said sadly as he looked at police commissioner John Stewart. “I thought you like me.”

“Kid, the doctors said that bullet in your leg will leave you with a limp for the rest of your life,” John told him. “You could take a desk job, but that’s not what you need. You’re 19 years old, you still have a promising future ahead of you. Trust me on this, take the workman’s comp. Take time to recover, go to college, find a new career that makes you happy. Maybe somewhere along the way, you win back that kid’s heart. Carve out a new future with the chance you’ve been given. Find something you’ve always dreamt of doing and go for it. Live your life according to you, not what others want for you.”

“What if I wanted to be an officer in the end?”

“Sorry, kid,” John told him. “That part of your life is over.”

“But I don’t want that part of my life to be over,” Marvin whispered.

Kyle walked into the offices of Feast Magazine where reporter Billy Anderson was talking to his son’s school. “Dennis dad what? He mooned a group of nuns collecting for charity? That doesn’t seem so… they had simultaneous heart attacks? Well, are they alive? Suspended… I’ll be there in an hour to pick him up.”

“Problems at home?” Kyle asked.

“Dennis is getting worse every day, I’m at the end of my rope,” Billy said as he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do anymore and I can’t afford a military school or a Super Nanny.”

“I don’t want to get too personal, but… what about his mother?”

“She got really bad depression when Mitchell died when he was 4,” Billy said. “She took her life two months later. It’s just been the two of us since then.”

“I’m sorry, man. Ever tried getting him a hobby?” Kyle asked. “When I was 10 my dad walked out on us and I got pretty bad myself. Getting into fights, swearing at people, treating people like crap, etc. The school shrink suggested I find something calming to focus on, so I started drawing and realized I liked doing it. I started better in school, I treated my family better, I even got a paper route to help my Mom out. When I found something to focus on instead of the bad stuff I started getting better.”

‘“A hobby, huh?” Billy asked. “It’s better than him writing swear words in the bibles at church. I’ll try that.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Todd said as he sat across from Terry in the rec room. He seemed much more aware than he was the last time they met. “I don’t want to hurt you if I get angry.”

“Todd, I went through this with my ex and my brother,” Terry said calmly. “Stop treating me like a 5-year-old. I’m 18, I get to decide what’s good for me, okay? All the times we’ve talked, and you’ve never given me a reason to not trust you. I’m not asking to date you, I just want to be your friend, that’s all.  I’m asking to be there to support you when you need help. You admitted you were gay before you got in here, so that’s going to rough figuring out that part of yourself if you ever leave. I want to help you figure things out if you’ll let me. No strings attached, no expectations, just me helping a friend figure out what he wants in the outside world.”

“I’d like that,” Todd told him as started to smile. “Maybe someday I’ll find a guy as nice as you to be with when I’m more comfortable with myself.”

“And I’ll be right with you the whole time,” Terry promised.

Kyle finished mowing his mother’s lawn before grabbing a drink of water. He picked up his shirt from the chair while wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Is it just me or is the yard getting bigger? It’s somehow expanded since I was 12,” Kyle told her.

“You know I can just pay the neighbor boy ten dollars to do this,” Maura told him.

“It’s time I started saving you money after all these years,” Kyle told her. “I’ve been sponging off of you since I in diapers.”

“Diapers you’d never keep on, you little streaker,” Maura reminded him. “You were 8 before you’d start wearing underwear properly.”

“Mom,” Kyle said, a little embarrassed when a neighbor was jogging by on the street. 

“Go inside and clean up for your lunch date, dear,” Maura told him.

Kyle looked over at the neighbor while blushing. “I— I’m wearing underwear right now,” Kyle lied as he headed for the house. He was about to stop when he ran back and hugged his mother. “You know I love you, right? I wasn’t always the best kid, I could have been better. I just… appreciate everything you’ve done.”

“Where is this coming from?” Maura asked.

“I just realize I could have had it worse, I’m lucky I had you for a mother,” Kyle told her.

“I love you, too, now go get a shower,” Maura told him. “Some of your old clothes are in your room so you have something clean to wear. And make sure you do wear underwear for your date.”

Shortly Kyle met Alexandra at an outdoor cafe’ in town. As Kyle sat down, Alexandra saw the form -fitting ‘Freddy vs. Jason’ t-shirt that was two sizes too small.

“Nice shirt,” Alexandra said.

“Sorry, I needed a clean shirt while doing chores and my mom only had some of my old clothes from high school to wear,” Kyle told her.

“Luckily you pull off tight shirts well,” Alexandra smirked. “How are things going at Feast?”

“Well, they like my art and the guy that’s retiring is suggesting me to take over the strip when he retires in the fall,” Kyle told her. “It’s more pay and I get to work from home four days a week.”

“That’s great, just you in that big empty apartment,” Alexandra hinted.

“I have G’Nort,”

“You know what I mean,” Alexandra told him.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that,” Kyle said. “There are a few things I have to talk to you about, but I think sharing a place could be in our future.”

“What’s to talk about,” Alexandra told him. “I love you, you love me. Terry and I are getting along great, and your mother really likes me.”

“Yeah, but there’s, something else and I need to make sure you’re okay with it first,” Kyle told her.

“You don’t have a secret girlfriend, do you?” Alexandra asked.

“No, of course not,” Kyle said as he took a drink of water.

“A boyfriend?” was the next question.

“What— NO!” Kyle said as he spit his water out. “I’m straight.”

“You dated a guy in school,” Alexandra pointed out.

“To prove a point to Terry that anyone could get a date if they were confident enough.”

“You dated for three weeks.”

“I couldn’t break his heart like that, he was a really good guy,” Kyle told her. “We still have lunch sometimes. I’m getting off track here. This week we’ll sit down to a nice private dinner at my place and I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

People started murmuring as they pointed up to the sky to see a giant hologram image of Kilowog in the sky.

“Humans of sector 2814, do not fear. I am Kilowog of the Green Lantern Corps and I come in peace. A human is posing as a Green Lantern and he possesses a very powerful ring. He is an unlicensed carrier and has the potential for massive damage. Do not protect this man, he could be lethal. Surrender him and his ring and I shall leave this world in peace. But if not surrounded peacefully, I am authorized to take whatever measures necesary  to retrieve it. You have fifteen minutes to hand the ring to me, impostor.”

“I was given this ring free and clear by a dying Lantern,” Kyle said as he hid his ring finger from sight.

“Did you say something?” Alexandra asked.

“If this guy starts causing trouble, I want you to be safe,” Kyle told her. “Go to my mom’s house and tell her what’s going on. Lock the doors and stay down until I get there.”

“What about you?”

“I have to get Terry, where ever he is. I’ll get him and meet you there,” Kyle said as he kissed her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alexandra said as Kyle ran off into the panicking crowd.

“Okay, I think it’s time we met,” Kyle said as he ran into an alley, holding out his ring. Seconds later. a green light shined from the alley as Green Lantern flew into the sky to find this new Lantern. He pulled out his cell phone as he flew. “Mitchell, call Terry.”

“Call him what? I’m just joking,” Mitchell said as the phone rang before Terry picked up.

“Kyle, what the hell is going on? That pink dude is wearing a Lantern uniform,”

“I’m going to find out not. I need you to get to my mom’s house and cover for me until I get to the bottom of this,” Kyle told him. 

“I’m on my way now,” Terry said as he hung up.

“Family’s out of the line of fire, now onto bigger problems,” Kyle said as he flew faster.

Kilowog stood on top of the broadcast tower he’d sent his signal through as he waited for this would be Lantern.

“Where is that poozer,” Kilowog asked as he paced back and forth before being blinded by a green paparazzi’s camera. More lights started flashing as the alien started swinging at the crowd. As he started regaining his vision he heard a honking. Looking out into the sky, a very large stretch limo parked on the roof, where the paparazzi started snapping pictures. A green carpet rolled out as Green Lantern appeared, waving to the crowd.

“Ah, my adoring public,” Green Lantern said as he saw Kilowog’s full size for the first time. “Wow, Porky really hit the gym since they filmed Space Jam.”

Kilowog picked him up by the head as he brought the hero to eye level. 

“Watch the hair, pal, I just got the ‘High School Musical Zac Efron’ look to where I like it,” Green Lantern told him.

“You are in possession of Green Lantern Corps property,” Kilowog told him. “Hand it over and we can all go home happy.”

“Right now my mother is at home, telling my girlfriend about I how to use to run around naked as a child, that’s not a happy situation to go home to,” the hero told him. “Especially if she breaks out the home movies.”

“Give me the ring,” Kilowog calmly stated.

“No, because you didn’t say please,” Green Lantern told him as a green construct of Madea appeared behind Kilowog and ninja kicked him. This was followed by The Golden Girls as they started punching him as the hero stood up after being dropped. “I’ve got the cast  of On Golden Pond’ on standby if you want more.”

“You have power you don’t know how to wield,” Kilowog said as he punched Green Lantern across the roof, knocking the wind out of him.

“Yeah, this is going to take a while,” the hero said as he pulled out his cell phone. “Mitchell, call Terry.”

“Yes, boss,” the boy on the phone told him as green light plucked the phone from his hand.

“What is this, a pathetic earth weapon?” Kilowog asked.

“Hey, that’s my phone!” Green Lantern said as he used the ring to take the phone back. “The roaming charges are murder this far away from home!”

Kilowog’s ring reached for the phone, resulting in a tug of war between the two.

“I’m getting airsick here, guys!” Mitchell shouted.

The energy of the rings increased as the phone got closer to Kyle.

“I feel weird,” Mitchell told him. “How am I feeling anything in here?”

Kyle pulled the phone away as he fell back. He caught the phone as it fell apart in his hands.

“Mitchell? Buddy, speak to me! Mitchell?” Kyle said as he looked up at Kilowog. “You dick, that way my friend!”

“Enough of these games,” Kilowog said as he charged up his ring and fired a shot at Green Lantern. “That was a warning shot to stand down.”

“Oh, you wanna try firepower huh?”

Green Lantern charged his ring and created a vast array of guns, missiles, assorted firearms, and just for good measure, the kitchen sink falling out of the sky. “You feeling lucky, punk?”

Kilowog pulled his arm back and let loose a blast that sounded like a cannon firing.

“Shit,” Green Lantern quietly said as he tried to put up a shield to protect as the blast hit, sending a powerful green light out for a half mile before fading. When it subsided, the blast had obliterated everything  in its path except for Green Lantern’s mask and singed boxer shorts. “Thank God I wore put on underwear at Mom’s house this morning,” the dazed hero said as he fell right into Kilowog, ready to pass out.

“Pathetic,” Kilowog told him as he lifted Kyle by his neck. “You are not a Green Lantern. You don’t know how to fight, you lack strategy, countermeasures, and you have no idea what it means to be one of us. You’re a child.”

Kilowog blasted him off of the rooftop, sending him flying. He landed not too far away, creating a soft pillow to land on before hitting the ground unconscious. As he lay there passed out, Wendy White stood over his body. 

“Well hello, Mr. Rayner.”

Not too away, a spark of green energy had flown from his ring into a trash can as he landed, which seemed to grow larger every few seconds.

TO BE CONTINUED…